That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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