Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
