Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
