im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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