YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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