So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
