I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
