I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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