I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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