Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
