What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
