Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Less talking, more tequila
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
