I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
