And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize