Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
