Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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