dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize