I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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