I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
