I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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