No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My ATM looks so different sober.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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