the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
