Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
