omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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