i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize