There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize