whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
