I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
