And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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