what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
dude. I can hear the air.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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