so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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