You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
