I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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