The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
