Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
