a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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