I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
