I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
