its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
