yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
