Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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