Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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