Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize