happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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