this beer tastes like vomit already
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
