Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
