You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
