i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
