If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
