Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
