for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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