what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
