Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize