Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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