He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize
