Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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