At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
