He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
