Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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