2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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