I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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