I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
