I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
